In the Winter of Life – Find yourself

You’re in the Winter of your life now and the kids are gone.  You’ve raised your family and may be watching them raise their own.  In many cases the spouse is gone, perhaps due to death, or divorce.  If you’re lucky and manage to still have your spouse then perhaps you are happy together in your elder years.  Perhaps not.

Whatever your situation, this is the time of your life when you review what your life was like.  Did you live the way you wanted?  Did you do the things you needed and wanted to do?  Did you make time for yourself then and, if not, are you making time for yourself now?

A woman was frantic.  She had raised her family, a lovely family who were all successful.  Her husband had left her for another, younger woman.  Her children seemed preoccupied when she would call and didn’t have time for her.  She had poured herself into raising beautiful and successful children and in the winter of her life, everyone was gone and she found herself alone.

She was mortified and didn’t know what to do so she reached out online and was lamenting her loneliness and her depression at being all alone.

Something she told her children, constantly.  But they didn’t seem to be interested in her life now and kept pushing her away.

Many people responded and said how sorry they felt for her and hoped things changed so she would feel better.

Everyone was very supportive of her but it did nothing for her pain.

I knew what she had to do, but didn’t know if she could do it, so I just put it out there and told her this:

Never, ever, call your children with your tales of loneliness and depression.  Get dressed up, join some meetups and meet many people in your area.  Be careful of people online because they sense loneliness a mile away and are after your money.  Be careful with men because there are predators.  However, join meetup groups, get women friends from church and have them introduce you to the men they know, if you are interested.  Go to parties and be the belle of the ball!  Make your life so interesting that your children want to call and come visit you just to find out what you’ve been up to!  Make your family want to know your bizness!  Give them something to talk about like: Where is mom? Do you know what she’s planning?  She’s going on another trip?  Who is this fella she’s dating?  Have you seen her new hair color and style?  I’ve tried calling her and she’s never home and doesn’t seem to have time for me!

If you want someone to notice you then do something to get noticed like get out and party or travel or go to meetups and meet new and interesting people.  Don’t be discouraged.  You’ll know your “people” when you feel comfortable and laugh and have things in common.

This is YOUR time.  Yes, you’ve raised your family and are proud of them but that time is gone now and you are here and it’s time for you to live.  Get that massage you could never seem to schedule.  Have that pedicure!  Facials are the best!  Schedule something each month and do something for you.  Take that vacation you’ve always wanted and stay as long as you like.

I live with my family and they never know what I’m going to do, even as I live with them.  I am my own person and I live the way I want to live.  I live by my own rules, not theirs.  Sometimes that makes them crazy but that’s not my problem anymore.  If they want to live with me they live by my rules and all I ask from them is that I don’t have to be their maid (mother).

One of my constant statements to them is that their mother doesn’t live here!  I refuse to pick up after them or always do the cleaning.  Everyone helps with dishes and yard work.  Soon, very soon, I’ll be on my own and they will miss me.  But for now, I’ll help because they need it.

And one more thing.  Don’t look back to what your life used to be.  Always look ahead, always plan new and exciting things to do and Be.  No matter what life was like back then, don’t look back because all of that is gone and done.  Be proud of your accomplishments.  All we have is this moment.  Live it like there is no tomorrow.  Be in the moment and give thanks that you are here, that you’re still alive, cuz many people you know aren’t, and be the you that you always wanted to be.  Even if you just want to sit out in the sun and read a book – do it with joy because you can.

This is the Winter of Your Life! You made it and you deserve to be and do what you want.  You’ve worked hard.  It’s your time.  Enjoy every moment.

 

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